On the way to the funeral, I stack all the previous losses next to this upon my heart, the ambulance rides, the cemetery visits, the teenagers on the steps of the overflowing church, the veteran’s burial with motorcycle riders of the Patriot Guard, the grandparents gone, the rides to chemo that failed to stop the cancer. I add this most recent loss to those and think my heart might be crushed this time.
On the way to the funeral, I notice people who are not affected by this our loss. It seems surreal as they tend to farm chores, stop to fill up their tank with gas, walk into the grocery store for milk and frozen pizza and tooth paste. It seems irreverent that they will be choosing between regular old ‘cavity protection’ and new ‘super whitening’ while I mourn this terrible loss of a friend’s mother.
On the way to the funeral, the sun comes out and lights up the golden corn stalks in the snowy fields. It is beautiful, glowing, magnificent, and that seems irreverent too on this sorrow filled day, and yet, each day, someone suffers a loss like this and the days can’t all be overcast and grey!
On the way to the funeral, I worry what to say and hope I get it right, but in the end, the words don’t matter at all. It only matters that we were there together among people, with each other, among the living that care about each other. The words don’t matter. It is only the being there that matters on such a day.
On the way to the funeral, I notice people who are not affected by this our loss. It seems surreal as they tend to farm chores, stop to fill up their tank with gas, walk into the grocery store for milk and frozen pizza and tooth paste. It seems irreverent that they will be choosing between regular old ‘cavity protection’ and new ‘super whitening’ while I mourn this terrible loss of a friend’s mother.
On the way to the funeral, the sun comes out and lights up the golden corn stalks in the snowy fields. It is beautiful, glowing, magnificent, and that seems irreverent too on this sorrow filled day, and yet, each day, someone suffers a loss like this and the days can’t all be overcast and grey!
On the way to the funeral, I worry what to say and hope I get it right, but in the end, the words don’t matter at all. It only matters that we were there together among people, with each other, among the living that care about each other. The words don’t matter. It is only the being there that matters on such a day.
1 comment:
Go Prairie wrote: “I stack all the previous losses next to this upon my heart…. I add this most recent loss to those and think my heart might be crushed this time.”
It doesn’t work like that. Each of your prior losses made you stronger not weaker. Or are you saying that this recent loss was bigger than any prior loss? You must be very close to your friend to be so deeply burdened. I’m sorry for your loss and the depth of your grief.
It is indeed an odd feeling to see others “not” afflicted with your affliction at times like that. But they are each living in their own world with their own set of burdens. I venture to guess perhaps even more crushing burdens for some (but of course that’s hard to imagine at the time). Any brightness we can give to those people is appreciated and makes us feel better about our own circumstances.
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